Guidance for partners of porn addicts
Guidance for partners of porn addicts
Don't Reward Bad Behaviour!
Don't Reward Bad Behaviour!
GOVERNMENT HEALTH WARNING!
It has been scientifically proven
that information contained on this site
can seriously EMPOWER YOU,
cause prolonged bouts of LAUGHTER,
with occasional symptoms of
RIGHTEOUS INDIGNATION,
resulting in a TRANSFORMATION
from relationship survivor to
RELATIONSHIP THRIVER.
It has been scientifically proven
that information contained on this site
can seriously EMPOWER YOU,
cause prolonged bouts of LAUGHTER,
with occasional symptoms of
RIGHTEOUS INDIGNATION,
resulting in a TRANSFORMATION
from relationship survivor to
RELATIONSHIP THRIVER.
GOVERNMENT HEALTH WARNING!
It has been scientifically proven
that information contained on this site
can seriously EMPOWER YOU,
cause prolonged bouts of LAUGHTER,
with occasional symptoms of
RIGHTEOUS INDIGNATION,
resulting in a TRANSFORMATION
from relationship survivor to
RELATIONSHIP THRIVER.
It has been scientifically proven
that information contained on this site
can seriously EMPOWER YOU,
cause prolonged bouts of LAUGHTER,
with occasional symptoms of
RIGHTEOUS INDIGNATION,
resulting in a TRANSFORMATION
from relationship survivor to
RELATIONSHIP THRIVER.
Living with a porn addict.
If you Google porn addict you will find the number of hits quite astounding, about 2.5 million pages. It can be baffling and cause information overload. On my site I am not realy talking to the porn addict, although the information would be invaluable to any porn addict who cares to read it. I prefer to keep things simple and whenever possible and appropriate, delivered with a sense of humour.
Humour has always been my defence mechanism .
I lived with a porn addict for 3 years and it broke my heart and my spirit, ending with me leaving him and eventually, being treated for PTSD as part of my rehabilitation back into the land where constant exposure to porn isn't the norm.
It took me a long time to realise that my partner was a porn addict, but as I dug deeper, I began to realise that his odd behaviour and low sex drive was not due to anything I was or was not doing; he was and still is, a porn addict.
At that time I didn't even know there was such a thing
as porn addiction. I had heard of sex addiction thanks to various Hollywood stars having their private lives splashed across the tabloids, but I certainly didn't associated the low sex drive of my partner with being addicted to porn.
Why would I?
Thanks to some wonderful people at various web sites
(check out Lindsay's Links) I began to get my head around the fact that my low self esteem and his low sex drive had the same root.
His low sex drive was caused by his full hard drive.
I began to observe him more closely and it soon became obvious that I was living with someone who was addicted to porn.
This discovery and the process of accepting what I had found were the inspiration for my book "You Want Me To Do WHAT With That?! The Life Expectancy of a Relationship with a Porn Addict" and were the first steps on my road to recovery.
Humour has always been my defence mechanism .
I lived with a porn addict for 3 years and it broke my heart and my spirit, ending with me leaving him and eventually, being treated for PTSD as part of my rehabilitation back into the land where constant exposure to porn isn't the norm.
It took me a long time to realise that my partner was a porn addict, but as I dug deeper, I began to realise that his odd behaviour and low sex drive was not due to anything I was or was not doing; he was and still is, a porn addict.
At that time I didn't even know there was such a thing
as porn addiction. I had heard of sex addiction thanks to various Hollywood stars having their private lives splashed across the tabloids, but I certainly didn't associated the low sex drive of my partner with being addicted to porn.
Why would I?
Thanks to some wonderful people at various web sites
(check out Lindsay's Links) I began to get my head around the fact that my low self esteem and his low sex drive had the same root.
His low sex drive was caused by his full hard drive.
I began to observe him more closely and it soon became obvious that I was living with someone who was addicted to porn.
This discovery and the process of accepting what I had found were the inspiration for my book "You Want Me To Do WHAT With That?! The Life Expectancy of a Relationship with a Porn Addict" and were the first steps on my road to recovery.
If your partner really wants to quit porn it has to be their decision . You have to stay in the background. You can be there to support but not to push. You cannot become the porn police .
You can point them in the right direction however by making sure they have the resources to quit porn for good.
On this site's links page you will find lots of very useful sites that are run by people who have been dealing with porn addicts and the problem of porn addiction for a long time.
Below I have added a link to my own porn addiction quiz which is written with a view to making the addict and the partner aware of their problem using humour.
If they really do want to quit porn let them read this article on their own and then back off.
1.Create a porn free environment.This means clearing all pornography from your computer, phone, dvds, magazines , everything.
2.Stay away from any triggers.These are things or situations that normally would lead to you wanting to watch porn. If one of those triggers is merely sitting down at the computer, then you need to put the computer in a more public place in the house.
3.Don't count the days, this just implies that this is a temporary change. You need to think of this as a lifestyle change.
4.Find other things to do with your life...take up a hobby or do a night class or simply get out and visit friends more, especially if you live alone.
5. Get counseling, but make sure the counselor has worked with porn addicts and understands the problem fully. It is a good idea to include your partner in these sessions too as she has been damaged by your bad behaviour.
If you want to find out more about what you need to do, go to www.yourbrainonporn.com which is a great site run by two very informed people. Also antipornography.org is a wonderful site full of information,videos and advice.
Quit porn
(Advice for partners of porn addicts)
(Advice for partners of porn addicts)
Bad behavior in kids
used to be down to either bad parenting or little Johnny hanging around with the wrong crowd. Now, you may be more concerned with your kid hanging out in his room on his own.If your child is ‘acting out’; behaving inappropriately for his age or has replaced a Saturday afternoon’s kick about with a football in the park, with flashing his todger to all and sundry instead… you may find that his bad behaviour is down to what he is accessing on the internet.
Fifty years ago, watching porn was something that was done behind closed doors; usually those doors belonged to a seedy cinema or in the red light district, where neon signs in suitably gaudy colours announced Girls Girls Girls – repeated three times, in case you didn’t get it the first time.
Years later of course, that problem was solved by the internet; which means that highly impressionable kids are viewing images that would have shocked a seasoned 40 year old porn fan a few years ago
On the lower end of the scale, we have hypersexualised airbrushed pictures that are giving both girls and boys unrealistic ideas of what a female body should look like and MTV showing music videos that are nothing short of soft porn.
Rhianna. Talented as she is, can be pretty explicit, which as a woman you may feel, good on her, ‘she owns’ her sexuality.
But, do you really want your five year old seeing her as a role model?
Things have escalated to such an extent that Mike Stock of Stock, Aitken, Waterman fame, who’s ‘Hit Factory’ launched the singing careers of Kylie Minogue among others, has started a campaign to regulate the music videos that, are largely watched by young children and recently wrote an article entitled "Why this pop-porn will damage a generation of children". read on.
Bad behavior in kids
Could it be related to porn addiction?
Author KR NYE says what he thinks about Lindsay's new book.
From your book, I was able to get a different perspective, and a much more in depth look at the reasons why individuals succumb to the allure of pornography.
Through your writing, even though you tried to put a humorous twist on the subject, I could still feel the hurt and pain you felt as a woman and partner of a porn addict, for all of the demeaning and degrading things your partner tried to get you to do, in their quest for sexual pleasure.
KR Nye.
From your book, I was able to get a different perspective, and a much more in depth look at the reasons why individuals succumb to the allure of pornography.
Through your writing, even though you tried to put a humorous twist on the subject, I could still feel the hurt and pain you felt as a woman and partner of a porn addict, for all of the demeaning and degrading things your partner tried to get you to do, in their quest for sexual pleasure.
KR Nye.
Hey Lindsay,
I think your book is FANTASTIC!
This book by Lindsay McKinnon adds a much needed voice to the world of sex and porn addiction -- the voice of the partner. And her voice lends not only understanding, but humor.
I think your book is FANTASTIC!
This book by Lindsay McKinnon adds a much needed voice to the world of sex and porn addiction -- the voice of the partner. And her voice lends not only understanding, but humor.
Paldrom Collins
sexual therapist and author
Please sign our
petition for the
Campaign for
REAL MEN not PORN EUNUCHS.
petition for the
Campaign for
REAL MEN not PORN EUNUCHS.
Sign Lindsay's petition here
Tweet Lindsay
HERE
HERE
Like us on Facebook
Remember,
I WANT TO HEAR
FROM YOU.
Your comments,
Your advice
Your suggestions
Your questions
Your experiences
Your stories
Your feedback
HIS addiction has meant YOU have been on the sidelines too long.
NOT HERE!
Send your suggestions for people you would like to see or subjects you want to advice on in the Chatting With Lindsay series.
Take your time to look around the site
Lindsay
If you are a partner of a porn addict or suspect you are a porn addict yourself then you need to read this very entertaining and informative book.
Site design and maintainance by
Affordable Websites Lancashire
affordablewebsiteslancashire@gmail.com
Affordable Websites Lancashire
affordablewebsiteslancashire@gmail.com